It may feel funny, but believe it or not in order to have a successful relationship you should have goals written expressly for that relationship. When individuals go into a relationship with a vague idea of the long term results they are often dissatisfied. These long-term goals might be stated or they might be written but they must be discussed between partners.
Think of it as a definition of where the relationship is headed. If you\’ve been in a relationship with another person or just dating, the subject or question of where the relationship is headed often comes up. This is often expressed not knowing whether or not they are \”together\” or not. If a couple is already married they may question what their goals are for their future. And even a person who is single may have a goal of developing a long-term relationship that ultimately leads to marriage. This is also a goal about relationships. If you haven\’t already considered goals of a relationship it is probably time to think about it.
Most of us have a need or desire to be successful in our relationships, whether that relationship is a romantic one or a relationship with your oldest child. The idea that there is a perfect relationship is completely unattainable and unreachable because it is impossible for humans to have a perfect relationship.
Too often we are swept into a desire for a quick fix. Many of us live in a fast-paced society where results are fast and require less work than they did in decades past. But in relationships, there are no quick fixes. To maintain a nurturing and successful relationship two people must have a realistic outlook and an ability to communicate with each other.
When you really think about it, all relationships are about goal setting. Individuals who are engaged in a romantic relationship often began to focus on goals, such as where they want a relationship to lead, once they have gotten past the initial dating. In fact, some relationship gurus believe that one of the main reasons couples break up is because they don\’t share their goals with each other and believe that somehow they will flow naturally and work themselves out on their own.
Even though you were once attracted to each other and shared common interests your individual goals for the relationship may be completely different. In order to have a full understanding of those goals is important to discuss this with your partner. Would you like relationship to eventually lead to marriage? Are you just looking for someone you can spend time with so you aren’t lonely? You, as an individual, must figure out exactly what your needs are before you sit down to talk about with your partner.
Interestingly, many couples go into relationships without discussing intimate questions such as, how will we nurture or support each other, how do we communicate with each other and how long do we intend for this relationship to last? As the years go on it is important to understand how the answers to these questions can change. It is also important for couples to address these questions, and similar questions, every year or two in order to accommodate personal growth that occurs.
Couples should also concern themselves with how they will enable each other to grow as well as how they will ensure that there is fun in a relationship. As a relationship matures and grows older often times the coupes adds more responsibility without being concerned with how they can continue to enjoy each other or have \”fun\”. It is also important for couples to include others in their relationship without losing sight of the fact that they enjoy each other for support and do not seek it outside of a monogamous relationship.
Relationship goals should also address how the couple approaches problem-solving. In a relationship, problems will occur. Those problems may be between two people or may occur outside of the relationship. In either case, it requires problem-solving skills on the part of both individuals. Prior to adding significant responsibility, such as marriage, homeownership or children, individuals should discuss with each other how they approach problem-solving. For instance they should have a plan as to how they will handle their behavior when they become irritated with each other or when they are fighting. Plans should be made as to how flights should be handled in order to bring them to a healthy resolution and when they should just agree to disagree.
Another significant issue are financial goals. Prior to any long-term commitment couples should discuss what career goals they have for each other and for themselves as well is how they will handle any forced relocations or promotions. Financial goals should also be considered in terms of lifestyle choices, who pays the bills and how committed you are to following a budget. Counselors often find that couples have significant disagreements in how the money should be handled in the home and the lifestyle choices that should be made, including how much money should be saved for retirement.
Individuals who are considering long-term relationships must also address family goals. This does not only include the question of whether or not children will be a part of their future but also what role their in-laws and relatives will play in their lives. If children are a part of the future then is adoption an alternative, what type of disciplinary model will be used and how will the children be educated? It may feel as though these questions are addressing issues which will happen too far in the future, but by having a plan initially, couples are able to work out their differences and compromise on specific issues that allow for a smoother transition when children are added to the mix.
Once you have a full understanding of your own goals and objectives you and your partner should share them together and listen objectively as the other person describes how they see their future unfolding. There will never be two people who come together and share mutual goals for the future without first compromising on specific issues. However, you can come together and live a life time of shared goals and intimacy because you first learned to compromise and adjust your idea of the future to match your partner.